A little vent

 Its been awhile, but here we go.....

Today I feel like a  hyprocrite. I have been telling my kids their whole lives that Family is Family. I talk with all my children as much as I can wether it be on messenger, text, or in person. However the last time I spoke with my own family, it has been years. Almost 30 with one. My Brother. We last spoke when I was 8 months pregnant with my oldest. We didnt even speak at our mothers or fathers funerals or after services. I am not in the upper tax bracket. I was not invited to either his 2nd or 3rd weddings. I have not been introduced to his wife. I dont get Christmas Cards, and he didnt attend my wedding. Alot has to do with how things were handled with my mom and dad before and after they passed. My other brother I have not spoken to in years, almost 6. Ive tried to call him but his number doesnt work and I dont travel there but maybe once every 2 years, He has my number. My sister overdosed and died several years ago. I predicted it would happen. She was screwed over after mom died and more after our father. Her kids I speak to once in awhile but not often. I miss them. There are Foster Siblings. I really have nothing to do with them. They will hate to read this but most of them are too self centered and egotistical to see they have wronged anyone. Money speaks to them. I talk to a few of their children and love a few of them like they are real family. I tried to get addresses from one of them to invite to my wedding but they blew me off. Had to work that weekend. They work 2 jobs but cant take one day off to travel 1.5 hours to attend my wedding? You have known me since I was a little child. I used to babysit your kids. Thanks. Did I mention I never got a card or a Congratulations on my wedding from any of them?  Cousins. I have them. None of them could attend my wedding either. From either side of the family. I grew up with you and we went to school together, parties together but ok. 

When I had the twins, my father gifted me 2 burial plots in a cemetery, just in case. But because he didnt sign a paper, they plots had to go to probate and all parties had to agree for me to get them. Did I? No. My infant brother is buried there and now the plots my father wanted me to have are in another persons ownership. Family. 

My fathers will was re written after my mom passed. Twice. It was changed to not include me, but include Foster Siblings. Funny because my parents, brother, sister and I had had a discussion where the will was only going to include the 4 legal children. I didnt want anything but a painting and a dresser. The dresser was thrown out with a ton of my parents other items, without them even asking if I wanted anything, before the Foster Siblings divided and gave everything among themselves and their kids. I do partially blame my fathers lawyer. I believe he was coerced into things because he was starting to get forgetful. What kind of lawyer allows that to him. Apparently a Christian Lawyer does. I got nothing. Not even a penny from the estate. But, Family. So my new theory now is FUCK THEM ALL. They dont deserve my love or my loyalty. My kids do. And hopefully I pass that along to them

Crock Pot Lasagna

 

Crock Pot Lasagna

I was not compensated for this post.

 For this lasagna I am using the store brand products because I'm on a budget and they work and taste just as good. It is a family favorite. 

You need:

A 4 Quart Crock Pot. (I use a 6 Quart and it turns out well.)

1 1/2 pounds of ground  beef

i box uncooked Lasagna Noodles

Lg jar of Spaghetti Sauce. I prefer one with meat.

1 1/2 c cottage cheese

2 c grated mozzarella cheese

3 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese

Brown the ground beef & drain

Pour enough spaghetti sauce in the bottom of the crockpot to just cover it.

Use the remainder of the spaghetti sauce and mix it with the ground beef.

Put 2-3 lasagna noodles in the pot over the sauce. Break them up to fit if you need to.

Cover noodles with about 1/3 of the meat sauce.

Spread about half of the cottage cheese in a thin layer over the mixture.

Sprinkle mozzarella cheese lightly over mixture.

Do another layer of noodles.

Add another layer of the meat mixture, the 2nd half of the cottage cheese and a layer of mozzarella. 

One more layer of noodles, the remailing meat mix, and mozzarella cheese.

Sprinkle a thin layer of Parmesan cheese on top

Cook on low heat for about 4 to 4 1/2 hours

Pictures of the creation process:

Prompto Oil Change: Review

My review of Prompto Oil Change

Not compensated for this review. This is my experience.

On 2/27/20 I and my husband before our return to Massachusetts decided to stop and get our oil changed as it was overdue and we had a 5-6 hour trip ahead of us. We stopped at Prompto Oil Change on Wilson Street in Brewer Maine. 

The changes started normally and then we were shown the air filter which needed to be changed so we added that on as well. As soon as the change was done we went to restart the car so the oil could run. The car wouldnt start. The worker seemed irritated that it happened but they did jump us.

When we were paying my husband and I split the payment on 2 debit cards. They said no problem. We signed the slips and both debit slips said 26.50. We went on our way.

About half way home we stopped for dinner, 2 hours later. We both checked our bank balances and noticed we had both been double charged for the oil change. I had 2 charges for 26.50, and he had one charge for 56.06. More than double. Say what?!?!

We looked at the slips were were given and the receipt for the oil change. Here is our slip:

You can not read the total with out really looking hard! Scribble numbers much????

So today Husband and I called our respective banks and Prompto. Our banks are dealing with the double charges. I called Prompto and I was told "O this happens from time to time. It will fall off. " Seriously??? On both my husbands card and my card, the same day, and the same time?? Same store?? He was curt and not polite. He refused to listen to my telling him that the charges went through. Not pending, cleared. In total we were charged for $109.06, when it should have been $52.12. He didnt offer a resolution or even apologize. Shame on them! We will not be back there. We will stick to Valvoline Oil Change Stations in Mass from now on.

 Im sure not all stations are like this one. And Im sure not all that work there are like the men we delt with. Im sure there are some very good men and women that work for Pronto and other oil change places. Hopefully these 2 guys we delt with were just having a bad day. 

I did rate them and leave a review on the BBB website. They are not BBB accreditted. 

My Grade for them:

D----

Black Friday Holiday Ads...

*Will add on through the following days.*

*I will make a small % on each link clicked. Pennies actually lol*

BLACK FRI ADS

The Pros...For Your Wedding

This is my personal opinion based on our personal use. We were not compensated in anyway for this post. We are beyond happy with their service and want to share our experience!

As soon as we go engaged my husband and I started to go to Wedding Shows and Bridal Shows and whatever events we could get to to help plan our wedding. I dragged him to more than a man should ever have to endure. Man, I love him!

We found The Pro's at a Bridal Show in Boston. They were tucked away in a corner but the amazing display of what they offered drew us in. When we saw the sign of their current package that was being offered as a Bridal Show Special, we took a picture and kept moving on since it was in Boston and there were alot of people there. After we made our first walk through we hit a few booths that showed promise but the cost of some of them was so high we would have exceeded our budget by alot...and I mean ALOT!

When we got back to the area, they had a whole set up, we spent about half an hour talking with the wonderful Specialist Ms Munzi. She walked up through the special and what a timeline looked liked. We were hooked and booked right there. The Bridal Show Special was all inclusive Photo, Video and DJ. All for less than $4000. Plus it included extras like prints, copies of everything and more.

Here is a breakdown of our wonderful crew that helped us make our day so very special.

Photographer:


Ginny C

She was the best! As a bigger girl I HATE my picture being taken but she made me and everyone else so comfortable and confident. From the first meeting until she left after the reception she was professional and wonderful to work with. She got all the shots we asked for and even some we were glad she got that we didn't know about until we proofed them.
Here are a few of my favorite pictures...

There are ALOT more but these are a few favorites! Again we LOVED Ginny!

Videographer:

Randy F

Randy was great! He got alot of footage and people respected and stayed out of his way. He got a microphone on my husband so you can actually hear our vows on the recording. Our video only needed a few tweeks and we got it fast. He captured alot of video that since we were so busy, we missed alot but watching our raw footage was like reliving the wedding and reception! From beginning to end he was profession and understood what we wanted. Out of respect to our guests, I'm not going to show any footage. But he has a steady hand I definitely recommend him!

DJ:



Steven E

We met Steven at 2 Bridal Shows. We seemed to have a connection and he has the best DJ voice I have ever heard for a wedding. I knew instantly I wanted him for our wedding. He is so accommodating and nice. He even asked us what color tie we were ok with him wearing! 
We had a few last minute changes in processional music the night before and he was able to make the changes. We were having issues with Ceremony music and needed to add him for an additional hour. Done! Easy as one phone call! 
He even has his own questions all set for the Chair Game. With lottery tickets as a prize!
The guest complimented on him all night. I definitely would use him again if the need arises. 

So my recommendation is see if The Pro's are available in your area. I know they are in the Northeast. They are wonderful to work with. I hope to work with them again in the future if the need arises.

Respect in Marriage

**Just a reminder, because I post it does not mean I am going through it. It means this is my opinion and my blog is called Debras Random Rambles for a reason. Thank you!**

I learned alot from my first marriage and divorce. Some good and alot bad. But here is what I have learned from it and what I wish others had shared with me.

 The dictionary defines Respect as: 

 1. A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements 

 2. Due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others

____________________________________

Sounds clear, doesn't it? Well let me tell you something. To some that sounds like blah, blah, blah. And if that is what it sounds like to a partner in a marriage, there is an issue. A very  BIG issue.

Mutual respect is a foundation for any relationship

To have a healthy and respectful marriage, there must be great mutual respect for your partner. Couples who are lacking in respect will find that their relationships are "lower" than those that have a higher level of respect. 

There are some simple steps to help improve the mutual respect that relationships need. 

Listen closely to partner's needs, desires, and concerns.

Show that you notice partner's needs, desires, and concerns by acting on what you discover about them.

When they are direct with requests, respond to what they ask for and act on those requests in a timely fashion. Don't procrastinate. That shows lack of respect. And you may loose the best chance to correct and act.

There are intimate details that only you are privileged to know about each other and your relationship. NEVER violate confidentiality.

Speak directly to your significant other rather than telling your complaints to friends and family.

When you make an undesired or bad choice, apologize as soon as possible. And try to correct your choice the best you can.

Take responsibility for the ways you harm your partner. Learn from your problems and choices so that you don’t continue to harm your relationship.

Show, tell and honor your respect for your significant other in front of family, friends, co workers, and others.

Let me go into examples:

1. Facebook and Messaging is a good place to start. We all have a Facebook. My personal page I have less than 200 friends. People I know and I like in real life. My Blog Page has over 3000 followers. I do not know them all but I appreciate the time they spend to read my page and posts. Some people have 300 plus on their personal page, thats fine too. The Respect issue comes in when Messenger does. It is a good tool to keep in touch with friends and family. But when that tool is used to converse with others problems in your relationship with your partner to another person, it becomes a tool of disrespect. Men should not vent to other women about their female partner as women should not tell other men about their private relationship issues either. Details are for couples. Disrespect happens when intimate details are shared without knowledge and consent of the other partner. 

---My current husband has a distant female friend who tells him how unhappy she is in her marriage. And she makes subtle passes at him in the conversations. She tries to get him to tell her details of how his marriage is. He thankfully does not tell her. She is not family nor a close friend but a former colleague of his that only speaks via messenger. Our marriage is not of her concern as hers is not of ours. I would not give my consent for details to be shared as I'm sure her husband would not either. Which is kinda funny because she lacks respect to the point she messaged my husband on the morning after our wedding to ask him how he was and if he got enough sleep. He did answer her vaguely with he had a good time, but I have given him grief over it since it happened. If I ask to see the conversation, he will show me. He knows I do not approve of the conversations but this is an issue we are currently working on as a couple.  Yep I leaked some personal info there! My husband is aware I shared this.

2. Listen closely. If they tell you that something you are saying is bothering them. Stop. Listen. Think from their side. Would you be ok if they shared or said the same things? Are you showing respect by making those comments? Is it worth their feeling being hurt or them being humiliated? 

---If your partner hears you over the phone telling someone something personal and they look at you and say "Stop telling them that, its not their business". Stop that part of the conversation. Move on. Apologize as soon as you can. Especially if the topic is one that is still heated between you and your partner. 

3. NEVER violate confidentiality. This is a big one. Especially to me. Conversations between partners, should remain between partners. Things spoken to each other or shared with each other in confines of the bedroom or anywhere that your partner expects to have a conversation with details only for you and them. That includes arguments, venting, discussions of money, space, sex, and desires. I'm sure there are more. Your told about your partner not liking one of your friends and they ask you not to share that. DO NOT SHARE IT! You have a fight over how much you watch porn? DO NOT SHARE IT! Partner catch you doing something you shouldn't have and you deny it even though you know you got caught? DO NOT SHARE IT! Correct the action, apologize and respect their opinion. Do not go off and bad mouth them to others. 

---Your partner will be humiliated if they know personal conversations that you had between yourselves were shared. Imagine walking into a room where people knew intimate details of things your partner shared. Bedroom issues? Money? Lack of drive? Do not share anything unless your partner is ok with it being shared. 

The definition of confidentiality is: The state of keeping or being kept secret or private.

I know this is one of my longest posts since I began blogging. This issue is close to my heart. Respect begins at home with your partner. When you loose the respect, you can loose the relationship. And you may never get that relationship back if respect is gone. 

Peace, Love & Respect!

Hawthorn Hotel in Salem Mass and Our Wedding

Hawthorn Hotel, Salem, Ma

When people hear Salem, Ma they normally think Witch Trials and Halloween. There is alot more to Salem than the Witches and spooks. There are also some beautiful hotels and the Hawthorn is one of them. We had our wedding in June of 2019 at the beautiful and very accommodating Hawthorn Hotel. And yes, some say it is haunted. 

The Hawthorn has 6 floors and 93 guest rooms including rooms at the Fidelia Bridges Guest House which is located behind the parking lot. They ARE VERY pet friendly. My son and his boyfriend stayed there with their fur baby for 2 nights and it was a good experience. 

Inside the hotel there is Nathaniel's Restaurant (check the website for specific daily hours) and Tavern on the Green (Daily 11am to 11pm).

If you want to see the timeline history of the hotel you can click HERE

WEDDING

As I stated before, we had our wedding at the Hawthorn Hotel. It was better than I could have dreamt of. The staff was wonderful and the planners were patient and kind. 

We chose a package deal and it included alot of things that had we paid separately for would have cost us 3 times what we paid. You can see their package deal HERE. We upgraded from the classic to the Platinum. Best decision ever!

I did alot of things by hand as well. The goody bags, table numbers, candles, arch, and the memory table just to name a few. Things like our cake,from Montilios, and flowers, Flowers by Darlene, were included but we got to work with the vendors to design what we wanted. We had to purchase our bouquets and mens flowers separately. We got them from a local grocery market and the florist did superb! More on her in my vendor post. I designed the cake. Myself. It was perfect! My husband chose the topper though.

We used The Pros for our pictures, video and Dj. That's going to be another post. 

You can also use Salem Commons, behind the hotel, for pictures. The day of coordinator helps with it all. 

Here are a few pictures of what the hotel helped us create for our day. Their set up, staff, bartenders and servers were fantastic and friendly. 

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Memory Table. We both have lost our Parents.

I will be doing a separate post for each of the wonderful vendors we worked with.