June 14, 2016

The Death of a Sibling

Growing up you think certain people will always be around you, parents, grandparents, siblings and friends.

Then they are no longer there.

Usually it starts with grandparents. Then you spend time with your parents going to their grave sites. Leaving flowers and saying prayers.

Then your parents usually follow. You spend time with your friends and siblings at the sites and making  mini memorials. Its to be expected. Parents before children.

Then it starts. Your friends start to pass. For one reason or another they are gone.

Your siblings have been there for you through all the death, sorrow, happiness and life events. They have been your friend, your sibling, confidant, accomplice, and your connection to reality in certain times.

When death happens it can be sudden or you can watch them die slowly but, no matter how it happens, you loose a piece of yourself that you can never get back. You loose the confident that held some of your most intimate secrets, the person who no matter how much you fought with always had your back in a fight. You loose the person who could see things you didn't want to and who you went out of your for when no one else would.

There will be be a place in your heart that shuts down and doesn't want anyone else to touch. The condolences will go in your ears but they wont mean too much even tho you smile and say "Thank You." You will think back on them though and remember how it did touch you, but they didn't really understand.

Death is hard on the survivors no matter who is left behind. Its made even harder when the siblings were mad at each other when death occurs. To have spoken harsh words and not have a chance to apologize, is agony. To have ignored the last call, a hated memory. To never say "I'm sorry"  or to hug one last time.

I do know how it feels. My sister passed away last week unexpectedly. Alone in her apt while her son was out. It happened so fast. We were not on good terms. She lived a life I didn't want my kids exposed to. She was not exactly nice online in social media either. I spoke harsh words to her and never spoke to her once in the past 2 years. I loved her but I hated her. She tried to be nice and I wouldn't accept it. I'm not the only sibling that had unresolved issues with her either. But there is nothing we can do about it now except hope and pray she forgives us and knows we did love her.

Death comes in an instant sometimes. Don't live your life hating your siblings. They are your family and family is forever. Forgive often. Love always. Don't leave doors open for regret.

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