November 5, 2014

What you should know about your aging parents.

Disclosure: This post has been sponsored by Global Influence. 
My opinions are, as always, my own.

Both my parents have passed. It is a horrible thing to go through, even tho its part of life. 

My momma was stubborn. She was set in her ways. She wouldn't tell you what was wrong unless she did not have any other choice. All she ever stated was she wanted to pass away at home. 
When she started to show signs of early Dementia, I tried over and over to get dad to get her seen by someone who would know what to look for. She would refuse. She had a nurse, several in fact, but towards the end the wouldn't show for some reason or another. Then she started to get forgetful. She couldn't find things and once she left a pot on the stove and went to read a book. She forgot the pot was on the stove. Thank God my dad saw it before the entire stove caught on fire.Then she started to bruise. When we would ask her how she got them, she didn't know. She got confused easily and even tho we would take it slow and repeat over and over, she would still "not get it". She started to sleep more and more. She started to refuse to eat. Saying her throat hurt too much to swallow. I tried so hard to get her doctor to listen to my dad and get her the right diagnosis for Dementia. Her mother had suffered from it as had her grandmother. Unfortunately, she got the diagnosis too late and she passed alone, in a hospital bed before I could get back to the hospital, back to her.
During all of this my dad stayed by her side. He took on all her care. My sister helped some but he did say she was more of a hindrance than a help sometimes but she did the best she could for momma. I wish he had had help. But he was a proud man. He stressed and worked himself so hard with her care it took a bad toll on him and his health. He became irritable, and he was always the most patient man I ever knew. Their home started to deteriorate and the upkeep was too much for him. And he became angry. At everything. 
I really wish he had seen this short video when he started with her care:

And I wish he had visited this site; Care Conversations: Understand Care Needs

After my momma passed, dad was forced to sell his home by his Power of Attorney and they moved him into an assisted living place. We knew he'd be ok. We had all talked to him about what he wanted and his choices. We had learned from mommas care. We were ok with him there. His stress went down, he became less angry. Assisted living was good for him. He made friends, he made others happy and most of all he was happy up until his heart attack. My father had a heart attack and passed gently with a few of us there. He had a blessing, prayers and a song. It was peaceful and it felt exactly like he would have wanted. We had all discussed what he wanted and helped him plan for it. He had his dignity and his mind was at peace. 
His passing so so very different from my mommas. That was because we had had the conversations with him that we should have had but didn't with her. 

There will be a Twitter Party with @Resourcefulmom on 11/12 at 8 PM ET. #CareConvo  RSVP link: You can RSVP to the Twitter Party: HERE

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