May 23, 2014

Husbands, Wives and Facebook

When Facebook came out I thought, cool. Then it became a great place to connect with old friends, new friends, long lost friends and co-workers (current and former).  Its a great thing, if your single. But if your married Facebook can be not only your "friend" but your enemy and your pain in the tush!

A friend of mine recently used her husbands laptop while he was at work because their home computer kicked it. Yep, you guessed it, he had not signed out of his Facebook! So of course she browsed a few minutes to see what he was up to, what normal wife wouldn't? I would! She quickly logged him off and put the laptop aside.  The rest of the day she fumed. Why you ask? What did she see? What did she find?
She had seen his messages. And she had seen the time and date on those messages. One of them had occurred when he was home and she was in the same room! Not only that, it was with a woman. Not just any woman tho. It was one her husband knew she didn't like or trust. One that she had asked him to unfriend because of a previous incident. She checked the time frame and the length of the messaging and it happened over a few hours. The other was another woman as well. One she knew the history of and had worked with herself before. Her husband knew the history and knew she disliked her as well. She had asked him not to chat with her as well. He had not only kept them on but was continuing to have conversations with them both. Most of the conversations were totally innocent, except for a few flirts that were nor reciprocated via the messages, but it was the premise of the whole thing. She and he had a long "colorful discussion" where he called her paranoid and snooping. She called him deceitful and a liar.

 Maybe it would not have been such a big deal if he didn't see these women at work or about town. But he does. She is a bit insecure about herself, so that didn't help either. But she had asked him to remove them from his friends on Facebook and he hadn't. Even tho he spoke to them at work, he kept at it when he was on "family time". Shes still upset and he gives her the "whatever". So, if you don't think Facebook effects marriages, think again.

Trust. That is what it all comes down to. She should trust. He should trust. But they both need to step back from Facebook and re-evaluate their marriage and their trust. How would he feel if the roles were reversed and she was chatting with 2 men the same way he was chatting with the 2 women? She also needs to trust that he will respect their marriage.

Personally, I would be livid! But its not me that happened to. However, I would be livid if hubby re-connected with an ex. I'm very curious tho. How many issues can Facebook cause in a marriage? Has it happened to you or anyone you know?


  1. This is a great post, and I agree that MANY marriages could be a risk. It is so easy to 'flirt' when it is not in person, and say things you may not normally say if you were looking at the person.

  2. Facebook can be dangerous if we allow ourselves to do this. My husband and I know each others passwords so we are less likely to do this

  3. Personally, I think they're both in the wrong. Hubby should care more about his wife's wishes and their marriage in general. Wife should have immediately logged off when she saw her hubby's FB account was still open. Just my opinion.

  4. I guess in this sense I am lucky in that my husband is just not into Facebook and computers. However, if he were, and I saw that, I would be hurt and livid as well. Not that he is talking to the girls so much, but the fact that he sees them at work and his wife has asked hi, to them. I could see Facebook causing all kinds of issues in marriages in addition to this. For example, spending too much time on it and ignoring the family is a big one!

  5. Yuck, such a common dilemma. If they can't handle it, those two def. need to step away from the computer. So glad my husband and I can use the net without issue (now if only I could get him off the car forums he spends ages on)